To Dear Ryoko!
i am so excited if Ryoko comes online. it seems i always keep online in order to expect to see her. so i keep waiting her always, whenever daytime or even middlenight. since this xmas, after few months losing contact, I have really found that i cant forget her, although i have never tried to forget her. what i mean is she is always in my deep mind. and I realize i love her so much. I know i miss her almost everyday, her voice, her tender words, her smile...everything about her.
Unfortunately, today, seems i did a wrong thing to her. i have told her i have been waiting for her for hours, she didnt believe. only i can know it was all true. when i expalined to her, i told her the truth that i blocked her last night, and what the reason was. it was a disaster for me that I lost a important word when i explained. she turned off with definitely anger. yes, i did block her, but how come she doesnt understant what the reason i did that? since this time I have recovered the contact with her, i found i do everything to her very carefully. the only reason is i dont want to lose her any more... never ever....we have met twice a day.. for me, no problem at all, however, what i am afraid is if continue to meet her everyday, finally she would become fed up with meeting me, or she might think I waster her so many times. I dont want this kind of things happen. however, i do want to see her online. what i can do is block her, only this i can see her come here, but she doesnt know i am looking at her, can she feel how painful i would have in this kind of siuation. Honestly, i would like to see her everyday, every hours, every minutes , every seconds, not exaggerated at all. however she misunderstood it i am sure about. this is the second time she left me without saying anything, but last time when she got my email, she came back immediately, this time, seriously....i dont know how many emails i have been sending, lots of them....I dont know she would understand me or not .....
Ryoko.....please....forgive me, and try to think about me...I am rather painful...the only girl i really love i cant be with. i dont know what i should do...i want to stay with her forever.......It is too hard ...life, how hard it is......

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