2004的最后一天。。。
2004年的我，经了了一个转变，虽然我知道这个转变在我的一生中不是一个重大的转变，但是对于我的生活，对于我的体会，在这一年里我改变着。。。
离开了工作一年的公司，8月份的我重新步入了阔别以久的课堂，而这次的课堂不是我以前所熟知的，而是一个陌生的异国课堂。如果说那份工作让我真正理解了work hard, play hard的生活态度的话，后面的这段生活让我体会到了多年梦寐以久的课堂生活，我在圆着一个梦，一个甚至几年前都没有做过的梦。如果说现实和这场梦的差距还是很大的话，那么似乎证明着一个道理，那就是梦永远是梦，永远和现实有着同样的名字却内容迥异！我学会了享受一个人的生活，享受着一个安静的城市，一个远离喧嚣，吵闹，浮躁的城市，我学会了在课堂上享受商法老师的睿智和激情，享受在他脑海中，英国法的精髓。我完成了本人第一次用英文习作的两篇学术论文，虽然到目前为止还不知道成绩。但是我知道那是以我目前的水平所能作出的最好的论文，我尽力了。我有了时间让我思考，阅读，虽然思考着一些也许无聊的事情，但是我思考着，这是最重要的，也许阅读着一些所谓的垃圾文章，但是我阅读着，我从中辨别着自己的观点和信息。我没有遇到一个我真正喜欢的女孩，不过Ryoko是我一年多来的一份惊喜。可是我们却只能在网上交流，而且甚至到现在为止我还不知道她的音容笑貌。我有了一些新的好朋友，Maria, Toshi, Yayoi, 小云, 佳佳，等等。。。。
我成熟着。。。。
新的一年里，又是一个需要变化的一年，也许这是上天的安排，安排着我在这几年中不停的转变，感受不同的生活和心情。。。总之，希望我在新的一年里走好，开心， 快乐。。。
the email from Ryoko...
Hi, Danan!
Your HP made me feel relax. At first I found you became a grown man!
Long ago you sent me a photo. My imagination was always younger YOU. So I said your younger brother resembled you in appearence.
Well.. your new place,(Shefield(?) spelling right?, ), the scenery is so beautiful. Would you mind sending me the photos? I would like to make my wallpaper with it.
Someday I will make my own calender with those beautiful photos. At the time I will send you again.
Tomorrow is the end of 2004 year, the New year's eve!
I wish your 2005 year will be full in bloom!
At the end of this year, I want to say, " Dear Danan, thanks a milion for your love!".
Happy New Year!
your Liang zi
Fatal and incurable flaws found in Chinese culture
Fatal and incurable flaws found in Chinese culture
Momotaro (Kenji Asahara)
The impression of Chinese as a hopeless group of rabble or a pile of loosened sand can largely be attributed to the fatal and incurable flaws found in their culture. Few people will disagree with the fact that most Chinese do not emphasize the importance of honesty and independent character. Traditional Chinese culture could not cope properly with modern civilization because it does not respect the basic elements of modern culture, namely honesty, decency and integrity. Chinese culture can be best understood as a non-analytical and non-dialectic metaphysical phenomenon, a senile saga that seems to be a challenge to conventional wisdom. It never formed any systematic intellectual mechanism in which individual thing can be analyzed with rational and logical accuracy. Yet this does not hamper its nasty capability of continuous survival which perhaps could well drag itself into perpetuity.
To the best part, Chinese culture is a moral system aimed at cultivating individual to follow certain ethical value but never treats one as an independent lively being capable of creative thought. Without respect to the individuality of the person, Chinese culture is only a spirit dwelled in a decaying carcass. It never gave a serious thought on the issue such as death or salvation. By playing a word game, Chinese culture, including Confucianism, had unctuously eschewed from answering the most fundamental question faced by mankind and therefore could not established a true rational attitude toward life.
Afraid of taking responsibility is one of the most prominent features in Chinese mentality, it explains why China, even after long struggle and endless suffering, still could not transform into a law abiding society. Chinese people have no problem in accepting Western capitalism because it fits very well into their mentality which is full of desire and avarice. But they have shown no interest in mimicking the habit of taking responsibility and being honest to your purpose. Chinese usually like to label a person as good or bad not on the basis of virtue but on how well they were treated by this person. Without a doubt, this mentality reminds people the attitudes of beggars who are not capable of creating and obtaining but only used to scavenging on the left over by others. For the Chinese are not used to dictate the course of their behavior but are readily inclined to accept the fate determined by external forces. Like the crippled legs of withered muscle incapable of walking without the help of crutches, Chinese are so easily succumbed themselves to the power from outside, and it is virtually impossible for them to go beyond the present mental and material bondage seeking for higher meaning in life.
China, for most part of its long history, has always been a secular society in which religion and faith find no place to flourish. Indeed, the very notion of faith and belief is somehow unknown to the average Chinese mind. On the other hand, Chinese like to worship all sorts of deities, from animals to dead historical figures, hoping this will bring them good fortune and easy gain. Chinese people fail to understand faith is not about how to get fortune without due diligence, but about how to reach an enlightenment and live a productive and meaningful life. They never enjoy the beauty of spiritual independence and have always lived in a collective life style that rejects the importance of individuality. Chinese were comfortably staying at the lowest level in the pyramid of human development. It is safe to say that most Chinese, who existed in this primitive physiological level, can only be labeled as humanoid creatures but not as spiritual human beings. With the strong thirst for money and profit, Chinese may be able to create a society that amplifies the evilness of the capitalism, but relishing none of the benefits and positive features associated with capitalism. Not surprisingly, China’s new born riches are only obsessed with exploiting others but never give anything back. Knightly chivalry or philanthropy has always been a term incomprehensible to the pathetic and selfish Chinese people. Chinese can not live a meaningful life that is beneficial to themselves as well as to others. In order to survive in an extremely hash environment like China, people must adopt a life style of either parasite or that of robber.
Traditional Chinese culture’s attitude toward current situation, no matter how devastating and inhumane it might be, is that of a passive acceptance of destination instead of an incentive of change for better. In other words, Chinese are lazy by their nature because they are used to be acted upon or to be ministered onto by the external force. Explicitly, this temperament of the Chinese people embodies the very basic characteristics of the slavery mentality.
As result, Chinese people were easily satisfied with whatever nature or authority offers to them. They hold an ambiguous understanding of reality, and show very little interest in giving a try to conceive the mechanism of how nature functions itself. They could not conquer anything but can only be conquered by others. The power of rationality and reasoning failed to impress Chinese minds. The decent and elegant attire means nothing to the ill garbed Chinese whose mind was usually overly preoccupied with pitiful desire of how to best take advantage of others. The essence of Chinese culture, therefore, lies mostly in a self concocted delusion or a self beguiled lie. This delusion always inadvertently leads to self inflicted disaster and crime to which Chinese people show indifference and comfortably interpret them as the inevitable fate designated by the power of fate or God. With this kind mind set, Chinese are callous to the suffering of the people other than their direct kin. In a sense, Chinese culture encourages the sicknesses in human nature by denying human the ability to make things better. Therefore, Chinese culture could not have played the role of revolutionary force in the process of human evolution. On the contrary, it could only act as a reactionary force that hampers human’s moral and material progress.
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when a nation is falling behind the others, especially like china which has long long history of prosperity, many other people would always say things like it is finished, incurable, must learn from the western countries...undeniablly which are the common thing and thoughts. I do believe when western countries were not as developed as now, they did learn from the other countries as well, include China. therefore, unsurprisingly, It is common to hold this view nowadays. However, is that right to follow everything with western contries, include culture? i dont think so, everybody konws, if you want to catch up with somebody, you cant just simply copy from them, in that way, you would never beyond them. although we cant deny Japan is a different example, but Japan would never be on behalf of a real civilization. what we can say is Japan is another good copy of US. there is a chinese saying that,三十年河东三十年河西 means "every dog has his days". we should try our best, work hard, it would be best if who laugh at last...
Overseas Chinese students
Overseas Chinese students
By Kenji Asahara
Whether or not to go back to China after studying abroad has always been a most hyped issue among the overseas Chinese students. These people are entertaining themselves with a derisory idea that they are the invaluable gifts for China and its people, believing that with their absence, China shall sustain a huge loss. Despite the fact that, most of them, because of their limited expertise which is mostly confined in technical fields, could not contribute much to the development of Chinese society. Current China, as matter of fact, being world’s most populous nation due to its irresponsible breeding habit, has no shortage of technical personnel, but is in a desperate need of visionary and experienced leaders in all fields, from business to politics and education. Clearly, most overseas Chinese have no distinctive advantage comparing to the local educated ones if they are competing for those technical positions. On the other hand, most of them could not bring in the crucial cultural vital force to the morally decaying Chinese society. After all, most Chinese overseas students, bearing the burden of making a living and pursuing of material goals, enjoy no luxury of digesting and appreciating the greatness and strength of the Western culture. Despite their long overseas experiences, according to my observation, most of them are not interested or knowledgeable in the valuable elements of Western culture that could be helpful to Chinese modernization. They are overwhelmingly fascinated with the material prosperity that Western society could offer but care less of the cause of this prosperity and the mechanism of how modern society should govern itself.
“How much do I worth” or “you owe me” is the typical mentality commonly existed among overseas Chinese students. This mentality can only be explained as a symptom of lacking of decency and self respect. Most Chinese have never been able to learn the meaning of a decent and respectful life. Like many people mentioned before, average Chinese haven’t yet be able to live a productive life for the best interest of the individual and the society. Subconsciously, Chinese view their life as a show put up to gain recognition from others. By so doing, one can satisfy the petty desire of “saving one’s face”. Face saving is an essential ingredient of the Chinese psyche, and it has become the insurmountable obstacle prevent the Chinese from learning the truth and living a meaningful life. This condemnable habit gives the birth to a character of callousness and selfishness which is the major cause for China’s backwardness. Chinese usually lack the courage to pursue what they believe is the right thing to do. First, they may not have the ability to sift right from wrong because of their greed occupied minds, and secondly, even they are capable of doing so, they lack of courage to put the truth into practice. Undeniably, Chinese culture endowed itself with abundant bookish and romantic wisdom and moral teaching, yet when it comes to practice it has always been meager. Despite the high pitched voice of moral devotion, Chinese are eagerly succumbed to the seduction of tragic reality. For example, most international marriages between Westerners and the Chinese women are mostly economic oriented. It is hard to imagine with their inadequate and clumsy English, most Chinese women could even have a decent communication with their foreign lovers.
Chinese constantly forget the fact that the society needs them as much as they need the society. No one owes you anything; you are not entitled with any prestige or respect unless you earn them with your hard effort. Chinese are used to having thing for cheap and free; they always dream of magic or good fortune because they do not want to spend any effort. They want to have everything for nothing. Few Chinese understand the fact that, prestige and achievement go hand in hand with hard work and sacrifice; you can’t have one without the other. To put it simple, to make a living, one has to take, to make a life, one has to give.
Growing up in a poor environment and lacking of proper education, most Chinese are not acquainted with good manner and basic human courtesy. Most of them like to present themselves in rather awkward attire without showing any embarrassment. What they have been taught through out their juvenile life is how to lie and take from others but not to share with others what you have. Whether you go back to China or not is absolutely an individual issue. In fact, no one really cares.
We must admit that China has always been a nation of abundance. As the result of an unrestrained birth policy, China is an unlimited source of cheap labor supply. This supply also includes the educated labor which, despite its education level, bears no fundamental difference from the average Chinese coolies.
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I dont really agree with his point of view, but some of them is worthy to be considered, after all, it is the view from forgigners who has much clearer views sometimes than chinese ourselves.
从学术平民化说开去！
今天在网上看到一个新的名词叫“学术平民化”，大致是说学术不应该是专家们的独享品，而应该属于所有的人。这个提法触及到了我一直所思考的但是又不能给予解答的一个问题。而这个提法却恰恰给了一个专门的名词去回答，那就是作为个人我们能不能有自己的想法，有自己的“学术”？
那篇文章的作者举了中国思维网斑竹的一个例子，说一个吹笛子的要想吹笛子首先要会识谱，如果要想识谱，首先得学认字。那么你要想吹笛子首先最需要作的就是认字，否则你不识谱，更谈不上吹奏美妙的音乐了。然后又如何解释那些牧童呢？他们是放牧的，不识字，更不知道谱为何物，可是他们却吹奏着美丽田园中最美妙的音乐，这又如何解释呢？那个作者的解释是对于能否吹奏美妙的音乐，作为人都会有其自然本性的东西，这种本能支配着人，你即使不认字不识谱但是你也能创造出美妙的音乐。这个提法的确值得我们深思。对于前面那种人，我觉得应该城其为学院派。各行各业都有所谓的学院派，也就是所谓的科班出身。但是各个行业的众多佼佼者中也不乏所谓的另类，他们的成功又如何解释呢？也许我们在这里可以得到一个很好的解释，其实毛泽东同志的所谓实践出真知已经早已经给了最好的解释。而实践在哲学上又分为两种，一种是所谓的学校，间接实践，运用学习前辈的知识去掌握真知。另一种是自己去体验，这种方法往往又是最为直接的。而且我想作为普通人更喜欢运用后者来体验真知，正所谓古语：一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳！就是最为真实的写照。而对于学校，现在社会普遍的风气是所谓学校的东西太理论，于实践脱节，但是这并不是教育的错，而且如何去教育的问题。那么既然作为普通的正常人更钟情于自己的亲身实践而得出真知，而且大部分是没有办法通过精英化的教育去实现自己的“学术”梦想。那么他们有没有权利去思考？有没有权利去学术？而我们的社会又应该以一种什么样的态度对待这种现象呢？
首先，作为人，按照一个哲学家的观点，我之所以存在，是因为我思考。这就是所谓的“我思故我在”这一伟大的哲学命题，这里我不想当然我也没有能力去论证其正确性，当然作为哲学即使正确性也是一个相对概念，但是作为这么一个命题，必然有他合理的地方!作为任何一个人你都有权利去思考，这是人的基本权利，大脑不是哪个政府赋予你的，也不是神赋予你的，而是自然赋予你的。而作为人区别于其他动物的最基本区别就是能够思维。所以思维是天赋予的，你能够思考，你可以思考，你的思考不应该收到任何限制。这是一种最本源的能力，如果你连这项能力都被剥夺了的话，那么这时的人又和普通动物有什么区别呢？当然，至于你思考不思考，思考什么东西，这就更没有什么外在力量有权去干涉了。所以在任何一个国家的刑法里，不会以你的思想定罪，而是以你的行为定罪的。所以哪怕你思考的东西多么罪恶，你也不应该受到任何的惩罚。当然在中国历史上有一个例外，那就是曾经出现的“腹诽罪”，你即使想了，也是犯罪。所以那时的人都没有人敢去乱想，当然想没有想是我们无法知道的，那是由当时的审判人员决定的。至于审判人员想了些什么，由谁定罪，也许就是当时的统治者吧。当然这在中国历史上也是非常短暂的一个瞬间，而且这样的统治方式也注定着这个王朝的气数将近。所以大体上作为个人，思考的权利是上天赋予的，个人有权思考。
但是人思考了，思考出来了一些所谓的“真知”，作为人就会希望表达出来，如果作为个人没有表达的欲望的话，我们到现在为止还应该处在原始社会的状态。因为任何的人都不会表达自己的实践所得的知识。那么每个人都会从最低级的实践开始，可是人的生命是有限，你即使终其一生去实践，也终是沧海一粟。所以牛顿曾经说过，成功是因为站在巨人的肩膀上的。这就说明开创性知识也是需要继承别人实践所总结出来的真知的。
那么对于个人如何满足自己表达的欲望，当然有多种方式，比如父母对子女的谆谆教诲就是将自己的经验告诉给子女，师父教授徒弟，就是师父将自己的所得传授下去。当然这是比较基本的表达方式。更高一级的就是书面方式，著书立说。古人写书除了为史书以外，作为个人，通常都是送于亲戚朋友，或是子孙后代。在最原始的时候，在石壁上表达，后来发展到龟骨上，竹简上，丝绸上，表达的东西越来越广泛，但那始终都是特权阶级的专利。作为百姓，那些后来成为大“家”的大都是将自己的学说传授给弟子，或者寻求统治者能够实践自己的学说。那时的人喜欢思考，当权者也不干涉大家的思考，因此成就了“百家争鸣”的中国思想盛事。到了宋代，印刷术的发明为什么成了四大发明之一，其地位那么的尊崇，就是因为这样的方式使得思想有了最广泛的载体，可以在接近最广泛的人群中传播，无论是亲朋好友中的鸿雁传书，还是个人的著书立说，或是政府的公文，史书。这样的一种传播载体根本性质的变革造就了其成为最重要的发明之一。如果说咱们中国人对其重要性认识不足的话，只要看看这些发明对于所谓的蛮夷的重要性就可以充分认识了。火药？我们用来当烟花的东西蛮夷发明了枪炮，指南针，我们用来占卜的东西蛮夷用来航海开辟新大陆。造纸和印刷术这种不可估量的通讯传播手段，在史集浩瀚，藏书成风的中国，一千年也没能酿成知识爆炸，到头来还是西方反过来向我们输入了铅印技术和网络技术。从某种程度上说，造纸和印刷应该算是四大发明之首。因为其作为思想载体的功用比枪炮，指南针更为重要。一个不懂得思考，不会思考的人，即使你给他火药，指南针，他也永远不会想到可以用来作火药，航海。这似乎就是中国人最大的遗憾。因为我们最先掌握了技术，却没有能将他延续下去。但是面对着中国人的聪明才智，如果说我们中国人不会思考，又怎么会在政治上有了几千年的文明历史，经济上有着汉唐盛事，军事上有着孙子兵法，思想上有着百家争鸣呢？那么最终为什么中国又会到了被任意欺凌，甚至连一直连旁边的小国日本也屡次欺负着我们这个泱泱大国，到了眼下，连韩国的电视剧，电影都被年轻一代的中国人为之疯狂?这是个很奇怪的现象，这也是一个最神秘的谜，因为没有人能够解释这个现象。五千年的文明就在这短短的200多年里被彻底击垮！我在这里不想去讨论为什么会出现这个现象，我想要关注的是我们发明了作为最重要发明的思想载体，为什么会变得落后，我主要想从思考这个层面上去分析一下。
作为人，我们能思考，有权思考，我们有了传播思想的工具，似乎万事具备，只欠东风，可是东风的迟迟不来，西风却甚劲！那么问题是为什么呢？在我看来，这就涉及到了最重要的一个方面，我们能否自由表达思想，以及为什么需要自由表达的问题。还是回到中国的历史上去，作为任何一个中国人，再思考中国思想界问题的时候都会知道这样的事实，焚书坑儒，文字狱，甚至当代的文化大革命。这一切的事件是在说明一个很具体的问题，就是我们的政府从古至今都在限制思考，限制思想的传播，这也许应该算是古老文明最致命的地方，按照现在的说法就是一个“瓶颈”。政治上不能非议政府的行为，层层的政治审查，甚至古代需要“避讳”，如果把避讳制度作为对位尊者的尊敬，但是这却是以牺牲自由言论为代价的。也因此产生了一种对位尊者的恐惧。对其不敢去想，不能去想，不该去想。所以中国人大约是不敢谈政治的，虽然现在有了好转，但是仍然局限在口头上。学术思想上是更为严重的地方，而这个地方的言论不自由又是常常被人忽略的，然而作为学术，大约和教育有关，而教育又是作为个人获得真知最重要也最经济的方式。学术上的权威崇拜到了极至。作为一般人真正无法染指学术，学术权威们对待自己的异己者是毫无顾及的打压，而异己者却没有任何措施来保护自己。学长者对年轻者的打压和漠视。甚至作为老师对待学生，也是经常嗤之以鼻的蔑视和忽视，作为学生从来不敢去想，不能去想，本科生是这样，硕士生是这样，博士生是这样，甚至你哪怕有一个很好的思路，当和你的老师说后，老师经常会说：年轻人，多虚心学习一下吧。所以二十岁的时候不能去想，因为太幼稚，三十岁的时候不能去想，因为太年轻，四十岁的时候不能去想，因为需要谦虚，五十岁以后可以去想了，但是已经没有了想法。但是五十岁了以后没想法了没关系，只要你一直在学术界，你就可以在你的范围里安心的做你的学术权威，尽情的指导你的学生们了，因为你现在有了资历。这种学术等级性是恐怖的，这样的一种环境使得我们的教育环境创造不出国外那些年轻的学术精英们，更不可能有开创性，指导性的理论。在学界是这个样子，作为普通的老百姓你更不用去奢望染指所谓的"学术"了!因为学术就和过去的皇帝一样是深不可测，不可企及，神秘没测的东西。这样的一种学术神秘化，学术权威化，学术等级化这所有的限制限制着中国人的思考，限制着中国人的自由表达，逐渐地失去了思考的能力。这是可怕地也是民族地最大悲哀。俗话说：辨则明。限制大家地思考，没有了辩论，统一了思想，这样地民族又怎么可能进步呢？
BLOG是一个建立在网络技术上提供给个人表达自己地新舞台。每个人可以自由地表达自己地喜怒哀乐，甚至严肃地学术，即使你是个普通人，你也可以有权利表达你地想法。不管对错，所以有人就提出了学术平民化地问题，因为这样一个平台给了个人展示自己想法地舞台，那么牧童地音乐是音乐么？牧童能不能吹出美丽动听地音乐呢？当然是可以地，这是最自然的音乐，也是最美丽的音乐，去掉那个神秘面纱。学术不是高不可攀的，不是作为普通人无法企及的，哪怕你的想法再粗糙，论证漏洞百出，但是一定要表达出来，我们不需要每个人说的都是真理，我们需要大家说话，然后共同发现真理。BLOG文化对于我们中国人来说，是一个契机，一个提供给每个人展示想法的契机，我们能够自由表达了。社会的进入需要这样。而作为政府，需要保护好这样一个自由表达的萌芽，而作为学术家们，作为旁观的朋友们，多些宽容，少些批评和歧视。因为我们本不需要他们表达的是真理，我们需要这样一种环境，让大家自由的思考，平等的思考。这样的社会才会是一个创造性的社会。我们的社会需要一种宽容的心态对待平民学术，对待大家的自由思考。
A party on 27/12/2004
今天，应teddy之邀，我和师兄去了michelle家的一个party，本来说让我们早点去帮忙，可是我和师兄已经约好出去照一下像，这两天我的心情也许比较好，其实就是想更新一下我的spaces，然后好让Ryoko能经常看到我的新的更新的东西。好像很有些自作多情的味道。哎，喜欢一个人的确是不容易的。何况又是我和ryoko这个样子。所以更加辛苦。而且到头来还是一场空。为什么自己就那么不容易找到自己喜欢而且有喜欢自己的女孩呢？好难，但是好想尝试一下这种真爱的感觉，否则似乎会很遗憾。我们去了city centre照了些像，很多效果都不是很好，也许是我相机的缘故，为什么别人的相机照出来的效果都会好很多呢？？奇怪中..!!大约四点钟的样子，我们到了michelle家，已经很多人在那里了，台湾人，香港人，芬兰人，。。。。很多人。。。都不认识，不过好多都是法学院的，只是课程不同罢了。今天感觉有些累，所以没有什么太大的心情和陌生人交流。大家都认为我很沉默，其实只有我自己知道，我不是那种人啦。party感觉一般，因为人太多，女生太多，虽然见了不少美女，但是没有感觉不错的。也许大多数女生的年龄比较小的缘故吧，所以没有太大的兴趣，我的话不多。就是和师兄聊聊。希望他不要认为我没有了他就没法参加party了吧，呵呵。认识了几个人，只是还是不知道名字。我们帮他们洗碗收拾，一直到最晚，jun后面还做了点不错的面吃，因为的确我们都没有怎么吃，很饿的样子，呵呵。还好了。。见点人总比闷在家里好，虽说现在慢慢的习惯了一个人，但是还是不能这样。开始得考虑论文了。。。。希望明天更好，哈哈。。。
To Dear Ryoko!
i am so excited if Ryoko comes online. it seems i always keep online in order to expect to see her. so i keep waiting her always, whenever daytime or even middlenight. since this xmas, after few months losing contact, I have really found that i cant forget her, although i have never tried to forget her. what i mean is she is always in my deep mind. and I realize i love her so much. I know i miss her almost everyday, her voice, her tender words, her smile...everything about her.
Unfortunately, today, seems i did a wrong thing to her. i have told her i have been waiting for her for hours, she didnt believe. only i can know it was all true. when i expalined to her, i told her the truth that i blocked her last night, and what the reason was. it was a disaster for me that I lost a important word when i explained. she turned off with definitely anger. yes, i did block her, but how come she doesnt understant what the reason i did that? since this time I have recovered the contact with her, i found i do everything to her very carefully. the only reason is i dont want to lose her any more... never ever....we have met twice a day.. for me, no problem at all, however, what i am afraid is if continue to meet her everyday, finally she would become fed up with meeting me, or she might think I waster her so many times. I dont want this kind of things happen. however, i do want to see her online. what i can do is block her, only this i can see her come here, but she doesnt know i am looking at her, can she feel how painful i would have in this kind of siuation. Honestly, i would like to see her everyday, every hours, every minutes , every seconds, not exaggerated at all. however she misunderstood it i am sure about. this is the second time she left me without saying anything, but last time when she got my email, she came back immediately, this time, seriously....i dont know how many emails i have been sending, lots of them....I dont know she would understand me or not .....
Ryoko.....please....forgive me, and try to think about me...I am rather painful...the only girl i really love i cant be with. i dont know what i should do...i want to stay with her forever.......It is too hard ...life, how hard it is......
my feeling on late xmas eve!
i am still alone at this kind of special time, i dont want to have a date with someone not special at this time. so i decided to stay alone. it is strangely calm in my mind, i am not thinking anything, anybody, i have just finished a cigarette after long time stopping. standing there, holding it, door opened, peace in my mind, this is the last few minute of xmas eve which i thought should be special for me this year, unfortunately, not really! does it mean i should have just normal life as usual? nothing will make me excited? although i dont want this kind of life, but maybe the normal life is the best life and happy life. so cherish anytime you have enjoyed, you are enjoying and you will enjoy.
good luck in the new year!
Christmas Eve in 2004
Christmas Eve is coming, after came back from Manchester last night, I have chatted with Ryoko for hours, after been 4 months without any contact. but I keep the same feeling to her as before. I know i love her and miss her so much. we were met on internet, and have been getting alone with her for one and half years. we have had such great time that I couldnt forget her, and feel so familiar with her in many aspects, she complained i didnt send any email to her for long, i explained to her what the reason is. anyway, she is back now...
圣诞前夕的曼城再游记！
又一次隔了四个多月的样子，回到了曼城，那个本不是特别熟悉的地方。不知道是朋友圈子的变化，还是真的城市的不同，这次给我的冲击是巨大的。一切的感觉是那么的剧烈，我清晰的感觉到仿佛是从乡下一下了到了城市，喧嚣，繁华，纸醉金迷！那么大的差异，甚至和我以前认识的这些好朋友们在一起都感觉到了差距。要不是时刻告诫自己：以前毕竟在更为城市的伦敦呆了一年多的时间，自己真的有点无法面对。钱是那么的不值钱，人又是那么的浮躁，男人，女人们运用着各种各样的方式努力的存活着。而我。。。似乎真的远离了。。我到底应该属于那种生活呢？？
the refusal email from her!
Thank you for your email. I like to speak straightforward. The important thing is neither nationality nor appearance, but who I really want. And the man who I want is not you. For example, I like Maria so much, however, I don't think I'll sleep with her in the future even if she wants to...!? Anyway, whether you believe or not, I am rather used to be fancied, so please don't mind. It's really good to go for it if you'd like to. That means plenty of chances lie ahead of you, doesn't it?
Wish you a merry Christmas!!
ps. I received your text, but the battery run out after that (you can confirm it by asking Noriko). I'm really sorry for that. I just felt it would be ok if I would mail you back after coming back home.
I dont know how to say when i got this email, I was just like open the envolope of my exam's result. however, not difficult to imgine the result of it. what can i say? nothing, but i am sure i am so sad.........
To Yayoi!
I am sure you have got my message, but why not reply anything to me, even just simply say no. I have waited for whold day and then gave up. ... i dont know what i should say, but honestly I really want to say something to you. where should i start then?...
it was just a big surprise that i can see you again. after the party we have had in Septemper, I just thought that was the last time i can see you in my life. That time you just left without saying anything. However, Thanks to god for offering me the great chance i can see you again. i couldnt find any words can be satisfied to describe what was the feeling when i saw you this time. It was true just like what you have said that I didnt sleep well because of your coming. I was so happy that i feel too embarrass to face you.
i still can remember the first time i saw you, i found you are such a really attactive and charming girl i have ever seen. but when you decided to go to Birmingham, I have been trying to tell myself: dont think of you anymore, just give up. It was like falling star, beautiful but short-lived. although i miss you so much, but just keep this feeling in my mind deeply. unfortunately, I cant find any other girls i would feel better than you. You are just like a shadow I cannot get rid of. i always have a daydream that i could see you for one more time. But it has been come into truth, I cannot believe it as if i am still in dreams.
I dont know this is a good luck or bad luck for me, cos after i met you this time, I cannot help missing you deeply. I know I am not handsome and another worse thing is I am a chinese, they make everything becomes impossbile to me to have such a silly unrealistic daydream. I am sure i would not have any chance to meet you again, and even after this email I probably have no chance to talk with you as well. but after meeting this time, i dont care about anything it would cause, just want to take this chance to tell you my real mind. otherwise i couldnt forgive myself.
Please dont worry about it, I am not expecting anything from you. but please bear in mind, that there is a person here always wish you good luck, and hope you happy everyday.
未来创业的宏观思考
凡事预则立，不预则废！古语有云：大凡成事，必须天时，地利，人和，三者不可缺其一。自己的学业也快结束，如果说本科毕业的时候自己尚有一个完美的出国留学借口逃避社会竞争的话，这次，我将不会再有任何借口，面对自己的就是真正的挑战，以后永远没有退路，没有援助，只能靠自己的挑战。如果说一年前只身来到英国也算一个挑战的话，那个挑战远远没有目前摆在自己面前的这个挑战更加猛烈。因为那个挑战我还有着父母的坚强后盾，虽然说我顺利的走了过来，但是那不是一个需要破釜沉舟似的挑战。毕业后，我的路在何方，该怎样去走，是我一直所思考，也永远无法逃避的问题。
首先，我所选择的这条路必须是一条能赚到钱的路。当然没有人能够保证自己选择的路是正确的，这个时候我更加习惯把这种选择看成是一次赌博，赌博和选择最大的区别就是你能否根据自己的能力预料到后果。赌博是你无法预料的，所能凭借的就是成功概率。而选择你可以通过你掌握的知识，你自己的经验作出相对更加合理的取舍。我是一个中国人，这就无法避免着你必须选择一条中国人的路，这条路不能存在任何幻想，必须依赖着中国目前的大背景，不能有所超越，否则那就是奢望，也最好不要落后，否则那就是对于大好机会的丧失。因此作为中国人，你没有能力去奢望发达国家的那种平静祥和的生活，那种只追求每天都开心都快乐的生活。因为那是建立在完善的经济，政治，社会体制下的生活方式，作为一个中国人选择那样的生活方式就意味着天方夜谈，叶公好龙似的。而也不能去想象着如何为自己的温饱所努力，那样将会错失许多的大好机会。那么到底现在的中国人当然是作为我这类的中国人到底应该选择一种什么样子的方式呢？首先我们需要考虑的就是目前中国的状况。政治在改革中，在向好的方向发展，但是你不能奢望一夜之间一切都变成了理想社会，那不现实，政治惯性不是个人之力所能左右的，也不是短暂时间所能改变的。必须要面对这样一个现实，但是也要正确认识这样一个现实，那就是现在的政治环境不是几年前的样子，更不是十几年前的样子，其变化是巨大的。这是最重要的前提。经济上，中国经济的持续发展是有目共睹的，在当今世界，唯有中国和印度的经济是两支独秀。不管这是虚假繁荣还是昙花一现，但这始终是个好的征兆。尤其对于我们这代人，是个不能说千载难逢，但也是一个难得的机遇，因为人的生命是有限的，而在我们二十多岁的黄金年龄时遇到这样一个机遇不能说不是一种福分。因此这样的机会是必须要把握住的。尽管目前中国经济的繁荣停留在劳动密集型和劳动力低廉的基础上，但是中国作为一个巨大的市场也是不能忽视的。文化上，我们处在一个对于西方文化崇拜的一个阶段。这个可以从目前韩国日本，新加坡人身上看到，他们无非就是所谓的香蕉，除了一张黄皮外，其他的已经变白了。当然古老的中华文明不会那么浅薄，但是目前的各方面趋势都是惟西方为主。最后说一下法律制度。这个也是和我所学专业密切相关的直接背景方面。中国的法律是纯粹的移植产物，当然里面夹杂着重要的意识形态成分，但是就目前的发展趋势来看，尤其在经济方面，中国加入世贸后，在法律制度以及法律服务领域是不得不变，无论是主动得，或是被动得，所面临得就是必须得变，尤其是在经济贸易领域。当然对于法律得执行又是另外一个问题，我们不能期望法律执行得向国外那么高，但是总之在变化中。这是一个好得趋势。此外关于潜规则得问题也是值得关注得，在法律服务领域，关系似乎被称为绝对得潜规则，当然这是中国处事得绝对潜规则，对于这个潜规则带来得效应则应有正负之分，负者，对于没有关系得人，像我一样，很多事情都面临着困难，哪怕一点点小事。但是从正者来看，之所以有了这样得潜规则，中国得法律服务市场才不会被海外兵团轻易攻占。这样就为我们这些职业者留下了巨大得业务空当，虽然中国已签署得世贸协议中明确规定了在未来几年内中国要逐渐开放法律服务市场，但是竞争必然不如其他领域那样得激烈。前有海外兵团，后有国内同行。这就是中国的大背景，一个你做任何事情都不能脱离的大背景。因此，通过这个大背景我所选择的未来道路是一条必须能赚到钱的道路。不能说这样的一条路从开始决定就意味着它将是一条低俗的路，似乎和铜臭有关，可是这样的路也就是建立在我前面的分析中得出来的，作为中国人你不能像发达国家的人一样，只考虑享受或是精神层面的东西，那永远不现实。那么对于我这个学习法律的人来说，似乎目前为止，如果不脱离本行，我以后的道路似乎比较清晰，那就是做律师，而且我必须要有能力开一个还不错的律师事务所。作律师能赚钱，但是一个人的能力永远不及一个组织机器那样高效。所以人们需要合伙，成立公司。这就是我目前的目标。
其次，关于天时，地利，人和，我想先从人和开始谈起，因为这三个要素中惟有这个要素是可以通过主观能动性去积极改变的。之所谓天道酬勤，也就是作为人通过自身努力去改变现状而获得成功。所以这个因素也是最有意义值得讨论的一个因素。要开一个律师事务所，首先我需要一个团队，一个至少是三个志同道合，能力互补并且相仿的合伙人。对于这个条件我会一直留意。现在当然还不具备，一切尽还是未知数。那么作为有能力去开律师事务所的人，首先你又必须至少是一个成功的律师。这里所讲的成功律师，不是说你需要现实中多么成功或是有名气，因为那时的你已经不适合创业了。而且真正成功的人永远是在幕后主持大局的人，并不是台前人物。我这里所说的成功是指首先你需要是一个有法律职业素养的人，这点对于我来说我，在我一年实践经验积累的过程后我将会在这方面起码的合格。另外一点就是你需要有当地的人脉，这是中国的国情，不可逾越。而对于我，在未来所奋斗的城市里，我自己是肯定不具备这样的条件的，那么我会积极创造条件让自己符合这方面的条件。通过朋友，通过自己的闯荡。这是我必须要攻下来的任务。否则我将会一事无成。
关于天时，我想说，我自己的优势也就是我的特点在于我的留学经历，所以我所作的业务一定是和涉外有关的，这里的涉外不是法律上的涉外，是广义上的。经济的发展必然随之而来的就是对于法律服务的需要。尽管对于一切国外企业他们更习惯于按照潜规则形式，比如聘请某领导人的亲属作为公司的重要职员，但那毕竟是少数大型公司。而对于整个社会而言，对于以后的法律业务而言，这样的公司都永远不会成为我们服务的客户。你不用梦想着花旗，微软这样的企业会成为你的真正客户，因为这样的企业，他们在中国的董事长或是负责人都会是总理，部长们的亲属。他们在中国可以不需要法律规则。而作为大多数的其他企业，随着外资的进入，随着中国市场的建立，他们对于法律服务的要求是肯定会增加的。随着中国的增长，中国的企业也会逐渐走出去。那么对于我们这类人所分的那块蛋糕到底是什么，首先，对于中国企业，作为中国人，他们在法律服务上更多的肯定会选择外国法律服务，这和中国人崇洋思想有关，什么都会选择外国的，外国的月亮都圆何况律师。那么对于这类企业，这块蛋糕就在于他们聘请外国法律服务后，需要国内的法律服务给予相应的支持，包括翻译，包括沟通。这是必不可少的。而对于外国进入中国的企业，这块蛋糕也就是业务就不同了，他们到了中国一定不会选择外国的法律服务，其一，中国目前不准入，其二，外国的法律服务到了中国来肯定会水土不服的。至少中国还需要潜规则。那么对于海外法律服务机构在中国的办事处这样的部分，倒不需要担心，其一，是少数，其二，他们也会遇到水土不服的情况。因为这和外国企业到中国设厂没有本质的区别。所以这些就是对于我们这类人所能分的蛋糕。这块蛋糕再不断的增大，而且速度极快。
对于地利，我来自于一个无根的城市，这个对我的好处就是我可以自由选择未来的创业城市。我一定不会选择在北京，上海，深圳这样的城市发展，的确他们的城市化和经济化是全国最高的，但是不要忘记了，他们的人才竞争也是最高的。如果说北京是1000个人在抢1000块钱的生意的话，我更乐于去那些100个人抢200块钱生意的地方。而且有可能前面的1000个人都是博士硕士，而后面的200个人却都只是专科毕业。举个很简单的例子，现在很多老外没有意识到到中国很容易赚钱，比如教外语，一个英国人在英国教一个小时只有20镑的样子，可是现在新东方的那些中国老师在中国教三个小时已经至少是3000块底薪并且加提成。何况他们这些外国人，只会成倍增加。那么他们为什么不去中国教书呢？一个当然背井离乡是一个原因，但是毕竟重赏之下必有勇夫，那么他们为什么不去中国淘金呢？因为他们不知道这个信息。如果说每个人没有自己的信息渠道，而且都人云亦云，没有自己独特的想法的话，他们又凭什么成功，凭什么赚钱呢？用兵之道，贵在以奇致胜。如果大家都知道微软以后能成功，都去搞的话，盖茨肯定不是做的最好的。当然，拓荒者所付出的努力是巨大的。那么选择什么样的城市呢？首先这个城市必须有经济基础，而且其经济基础必须是建立在中国经济增长优势的基础上，前面提到，中国的经济增长是以劳动密集型和劳动力廉价为基础的，而且外资进入中国也是因为这一点才进入的。其次，这个城市必须有着广泛的外资基础，也就是说这个城市必须是一个外资集中之地。前面分析了业务来源，那么作为来源，外资企业就成了必须要考虑的因素。最后，这个城市必须有国家政策保证其持续发展，不是那种昙花一现，政治做秀似的城市。根据这三个条件去选择城市将会最大程度上的提高成功的可能。
这些是我对以后创业的一点点思考，当然只限于思考而已。对于自己来说，最重要的还是要走好每一步，从现在做气，珍惜一切得来不易得机会，把握住机会，提高自己。这是最现实也是最重要得。毕业后我会积极联系，争取能在一个层次更为高级的地方用最短的时候提高自己的实践能力。为自己未来的创业做好一切所能做好的准备。了以成文，权为鞭策。
Smooth Operator
Smooth Operator
sade
diamond life
lover boy
he move in space with minimum waste and maximum joy
city lights and business nights
when you require streetcar desire for higher heights
no place for beginners or sensitive hearts
when sentiment is left to chance
no place to be ending but somewhere to start
no need to ask
he's a smooth operator
smooth operator, smooth operator
smooth operator
coast to coast, la to chicago, western male
across the north and south, to key largo, love for sale
face to face, each classic case
we shadow box and double cross
yet need the chase
a license to love, insurance to hold
melts all your memories and change into gold
his eyes are like angels but his heart is cold
no need to ask
he's a smooth operator
smooth operator, smooth operator,smooth operator
coast to coast, la to chicago, western male
across the north and south, to key largo, love for sale
smooth operator, smooth operator
smooth operator, smooth operator
Today, it's the first time to hear this songs. it seems bring me to the remote US. Somtimes I hope i would have this kind of life, but i know it is not the life i would really love, too cold....hearted. i love peace and quiet life, but sometimes i want to realize my value....this is the wish for my new year...
体味那份平静！
working hard, play hard这是当初在bristol的老板david告诉我的一句话，我很欣赏，权当这篇文章的开始，因为这片文章也许就是在试图留住我的这份心境。昨天和在southampton的小师妹谈论她回国后的感触，突然让我品味自己现在的这份工作，我不想谈论我的收入，以及和国内比较所表现出来的差距，因为如果我这么比较的话，我也许就会堕入自己所谓的活在汇率夹缝中的那类人，我想我是永远不会活在这种状态中的，至少现在的我是这样。在这里工作很多个月，也许快一年了，随着时间一天天如流水的走过，我感到无比的充实，虽然那是辛苦的，至少在victor 到了曼城以后，但是那是充实的，那是让老板们对我能表示认可并尊重的。而且每天凭借着自己的本事为自己赚那份收入。我第一次感受到了自己的价值，工作的时候什么都不用考虑就是工作，休息的时候也什么都不用考虑，就是一味的enjoy，这是我喜欢的type， 起码说我的心不累，不像在中国，不是身体上的辛苦，而是身心的辛苦，你不光是工作，需要考虑其他的因素更多，使得你没有精力去考虑工作中的事情，当然也许工作本身并不重要。
周末心情！
周末心情！
今天是周末，星期五。和以往一样，让自己有理由的休息一下，听着歌，喝着Bacardi， 看着自己才学会并且花了不短时间营造的网上家园，想培养点情绪写点什么。作为我第一份的礼物送给我的这个小小的家。写什么呢？既然是精神家园，而且前面转贴了那么多的学术并且严肃的文章，好像让我的这个小家感觉那么的严肃。既然这样，顺着上篇引文讲钗黛孰优孰劣，就讲讲自己的情感生活吧。
钗黛？一个浪漫富有诗意不世俗，另一个传统有诗材但却处事老成。两者都很漂亮，按照我的理解，属于女人中两个极端的精品。都属于在孔子笔下所谓的窈窕淑女。在我等凡夫俗子眼里，任何一个都是不可遇也不可求的，更无法去想象如何去评价优劣了。但是作为男人，应该在自己的心目中有个梦想，也就是哪一种女人属于自己心目中的白雪公主呢？
记得自己在高中那份感情后就已经似乎忘记了爱是何物。和高中的初恋女孩呆在一起是那么的甜美，直到现在回忆起来还是那么美丽。一起听课，一起去吃东西，去她家。。。。喜欢她成了我高三那么忙碌时候的一件最美好的事情，所以我的成绩也大幅度提高......喜欢那份感觉。
大学以后，高中的女朋友离我而去，也许是因为其实她并不喜欢我，或者是她不确定是不是喜欢我，总之，离开了我，那时认识了燕，一个很cool的女孩，但我知道我不喜欢她，她不是我喜欢的style, 有点疯，不过和她在一起的日子倒是蛮开心的，当时为了考计算机考试，我们经常一起学电脑，那时总会在电脑上留下什么悄悄话给对方。或是给对方写纸条。那段感情短暂，但是蛮开心。不过我从没有把那段感情当作真正的感情，也许更多的时候当作弥补我失去第一个女朋友的空白所以。。似乎说起来对她有些不公平。但是这似乎是真的。从那以后我认识了一个新的女孩，其实是我一直喜欢的一个女孩，这个女孩和我相处了很久很久，似乎直到现在。那是个属于宝钗类型的女孩。聪明能干，处事老道，和我很有默契，我总冥冥中觉得我们很像。所以也许我们在一起是因为我们很像的缘故。这样的一个女孩我却离开了，离开中国，意味着我的离开，虽然我并不想，但是我作为一个男人，又怎么能让她为我守候呢？所以我并没有说什么，也许我并没有资格说什么，离开了.....
到了英国，一切慢慢变的熟悉。可是真正的感情却似乎离我而去。有的只是慢慢习惯的玩世不恭。直到在图书馆里碰到了她，她的一个迷人灿烂的微笑，似乎让我的世界打开了一扇窗。那种感觉是我期待以久的感觉，我一直在期待一种感情，真正的感情，希望去回味那种初恋滋味。尽管有时是痛苦的。随后的几次我们经常碰到，随之也是互相的微笑，我喜欢那种感觉。一个周末的下午，我鼓足了勇气问她要她的手机号码，她很开心的给了我。可是那时我知道了她来自香港，这个消息让我真的难以接受，因为我知道这意味着不可能和她会有什么动人故事。哪怕她是日本人，韩国人，都会有可能，就是香港，那么的有距离，不光是语言上的，而且是文化上的。接下来的一次遇见，当我得知她的19岁生日马上到来的时候。我已经决定彻底放弃了，尽管这样的美好感觉是那么的难得。我多么想将这段美丽的故事继续下去，可是理智告诉我，不行。放手吧。
我期待中。。其中那份真正的感觉。
似乎脱离了前面的主题，不过既然写感情，就随性而至吧，而且不是一气呵成，所以。。。权当一次不合格的开篇作吧。。。。。。
